Mourning the loss of my time...

From world of cartoons

Gentlemen: this post may not be of your liking, for it will provide details of a very female perspective to a very natural, but slightly uncomfortable topic for you. However, by reading it, you may garner a better understanding of women and their parts. For that reason, you should continue on.

Ladies: wherever your station on the fertility timeline you will relate, so you should continue on.

March 29, 2012

Dearest Dr. Dineberg,
(not his real name)

As you recall seven months ago, I returned to your office for a full body tune up in celebration of my Jubilee.  If you remember, I passed all of the traditional tests with a myriad of flying colors. I then followed your  prescribed check list of specialists:

Dr. Cardiologist, check;
Dr. Quest, check;
Dr. Mammogram. check;
Dr. ObGyn, check and ---this is where my story begins!!

As you know Dr. D, I have not been seen in ten years by a gynecologist and you 'for shamed me' about that. You handed me a referral to see Dr. Rotley. (not her real name) and I  braved up. I opened up wide for the speculum.  I confess, my womanly gut told me from the very beginning, at this first visit, all was not as it should be. Many, many, many, many,  words were said to me that morning. The first thing I actually heard was, "Ana you are at high risk for cervical cancer." I was agitated, but not convinced.

I blindly did the right thing (with reservation) and I was scheduled for a biopsy - I manned up or better woman-upped.  Urk! Worst pain ever, thank you very much.  I now know what a shark bite feels like. Child birth was a tea party featuring all of my favorite sconces, in comparison. Ladies, ask for anesthesia---never again!

The following conversation ensued between the Dr. R. and I on the morning of the biopsy:

Me: I have to say I am a little nervous, Dr. Rotley.  I took 1000 milligrams of Motrin this morning.I 'Googled' and 'Binged' this procedure and it was suggested. That alright?


Dr. Rotley's Response: Good thing you did. Funny, when I had mine done, I screamed to high heavens!

Me to myself: Funny? Thanks for the warning, Dr.Butcher. That was creepy, thank you God, I did my homework.


My feet went square into the stirrups and there I was, laying back with my legs spread open, and my  thoughts drifted to, "this is going to hurt" and  “should I leave my socks on or off for this?” Should I do as I was told,  “take everything off and put the gown on with the opening in the back.” Does “everything” mean your socks as well?"

Before I could answer the burning sock question a long, shiny, sharp object was introduced into my lower cavity and I began to feel nauseous.  For the next few minutes that equated to an eternity, I was painfully pumped up with sharp, ovarian twisting, partum like cramps.

Two more words: never again! 

I went to work  achy and humped over in pain the same day with a pocketbook full of faith that I did not have any cancerous cells.  I knew. Heck, I know these things.  All I wanted was a routine uneventful check up.

I patiently waited for the results from Dr.R. for quite some time. Ten days later, I finally received a phone call from the assistant to return to the office.  I was so sure.  I was certain. by now. I knew that I tested positive for anything outside of the norm. What a difference ten days make.  Why else would I have to see the Dr. face to face? If negative, a simple, all is fine would have been bombastically good over the phone.

Dr. Dineberg, put yourself in my place!  The day came and  I sat in a waiting room for 40 minutes and then  tete-a-tete in front of Dr. Rotley for another five. "Mrs. B, the results prove to be negative". I was happily speechless.  Even though it was epochal news, the whole experience proved exhausting.  Dr. D., you referred her and I trust you. 

It just didn't end here. Who knew what was to go up and come down the vaginal canal?! The tide began to ripple at this point. I further explained to Dr. R that I was still experiencing post-menopausal bleeding (sorry to be graphic, but a must in order to tell this uterine tale) and she said, "your uterus is full of marbles. Let's schedule a hysteroscopy, D&C and ablation; we will fry your uterus and you are on your way."  Woooooaaaahhh! Wait! What!? That sounded kind of brutal.

I did it any way. I sure did.  I reported to surgery at Mt. Sinai on January 31st, 2012.  After surgery, my hipe team in the waiting room was told the surgery was incomplete as the machine that ablates the uterus would not function. Really? Yes, really.  These things happen, we were told.  I am a reasonable person. Okay, these things happen. 

I was rescheduled for a second surgery after the uterine frying machine was replaced.  As a result, I returned in order to complete the procedure on March 13th, 2012. This time my family and I were told the procedure was successful. Done. I have been fried, and so I thought...

One week later, on March 20th, I visited the office for a follow up only to find out the procedure did not take place. This time I was informed that, a large fibroid somehow remained undetected and collapsed in front of my uterus preventing the procedure. 

Gasp!! Whaaat?!  Halt! Screech! Indeed, I was told that the first failure was attributed to the ablation device and the second failure was at the fault of my uterus. Go Uterus! 

Dr. Dineberg, do you understand my predicament? I sit with an uneasy feeling mostly because I feel as if I have been mismanaged.  I have become the unwilling and innocent participant of a series of unfortunate events.  And, I am only expressing these sentiments because of the impeccable care I have received from you and trusting relationship that we have developed over the years.

Dr. Rotley's final words to me were, "Ana, I am shocked.  I have performed this surgery for 15 years successfully and your uterus is the only one that has stumped me."  I thanked her.  I don't know why. Maybe because I am grateful she didn't kill me.

It's all about the "U!"

Warm regards,
Ana-three-times-a-charm!

Buen Camino...more surgery; another Dr!