The Inner Journey From the Outside

Armando, my son with his Godfather Adelino

Four years after Tony and I married, we traveled for the first time to Portugal in order to celebrate a family nuptial. Tony's youngest sister was getting married and I was going to meet my new family for the very first time.  As you can imagine, my language skills were at an all time low and I managed to sustain a permanent headache for the first week because of it.  Everyone, with few exceptions, would read my lips as I spoke their native tongue and utter back to me, "Não Percebo!" How could that be? I understood them! I soon secured my niece and nephew who were both under the age of seven to be my official Rosetta Stone for Portuguese-English and English-Portuguese. They were the best translators, ever!  

Never the less, I walked around confused most of the time, especially the first time the family referred to the future bride and groom, my sister and brother in-law named Lina and Lino as 'Os Fradelenses'...(inside joke, indeed). Apparently, the big and fabulous reveal wedding was taking place in a city called Fradelos, hence the term 'Fradelenses'. The same group would further confuse me later by calling them 'Os Madeirenses" because Madeira was their honey moon destination once the vows were exchanged.  "Foi mesmo um gesto de educação! Obrigado!" I contracted permanent wrinkles on my forehead that year.  I own them today.

Thankfully and as fate dictated, I immediately bonded with Portugal and her people many of who are now my family.  After the big family wedding was over, and may I add, the event  lasted a good, steady eighteen hours, I melted into the landscape and swore I would return to live there some day. It is my version of Eden and I am Eve.  This Eve however, contrary to the Eve in  the ancient edition of 'Bible and Garden' is keeping far and away from any and all types of vermin. I am not about to let one bad apple ruin the end of my days.  Sure, I am still waiting to go back and stay but, like my husband says,"ya falto mais." 

Looking back,  I believe we all fell in love with each other on that maiden trip and we have happily returned many times to our beautiful hamlet to visit and spend time with the family. It has been a good life in spite of our immigrant status.

As I formulate the meditative path to Compostela and I chart the path for an early summer walk, I realize that my road will be paved with a lifetime of hiccups, youthful memories, decisions: good and bad, angst's, my family, my life and somewhere in the heart of things the dull pain left behind by having to unwillingly say goodbye to my loved ones in this life. There have been many beautiful people now gone from their earthly residence and I will always hold them ever so close in a special corner of my thoughts and prayers.  I struggle on certain days and in my heart of hearts, I wish they were here.

One of the many unresolved issues that flutter in and out of my constantly changing reality , is the death of Lino.  I have not been able to bring closure to the passing of my brother in law.  Late last year he was hit by a car. The first word that comes to mind is tragic...the other words should be unnecessary loss of life and the last is probably avoidable. I understand that the highway that he was attempting to cross has now been altered so that it is no longer unsafe for pedestrians; other lives will be safe because of him.  To our dismay was our inability to attend the funeral services and be part of the final embraces and tears.  The human condition requires a formal disconnect.  This too was tough to navigate and a reminder that we suffer from a crippling disability called distance.

If I could wish one wish to any and to all, I wish that everyone have a Lino in their lives.  Lino, can only be described as a remarkable man that loved his family, his wife, his three girls and all things agriculture.  He was defined by his joyful constant smile, good spirit and willingness to lend a hand to anyone and everyone. I am certain I saw him take the shirt off his back once to give to someone else.  I still see and hear him - plain as day.  The memory of him tastes sweet and it was a privilege to call him friend and brother.  I can't say for sure, but when someone like him gets called up to meet his maker, you just have to believe that God calls to His presence those good fellows that can march ahead in front of the pack and lay out the way markers for  the rest of us.  Buen Camino, Lino.



This summer trip to Portugal will prove to be a soulful visit. It will be hard to accept an  arrival at our front porch in Adaes and not find Lino zipping by on his moped, inviting us to see his new hatch-lings and or presenting his latest farming inventions.  My next visit to our corner of the world will feel incomplete without him in it. The Way to St. James will serve me in closing many circles. Along this very same road, I will pack with me quite a few memories of some of the finest friends and family that have given color to my canvas and there are many. Too many.

Either way, the goodbye of today is an open door to our next hello tomorrow.

Fly like a bird to the Lord, my soul.

I want to soar like an eagle.

Though I may journey far away from home,

I know I'll never be alone.

Geidy

Gracie

Love the people God gave you because you may have to give them back one day!

Raul, Tio Pepe, Tio Manolo, Abuelo, Abuela

Muy Buen Camino, peregrino!

Read More

"Mia" means mine...

I know a little girl, named Mia.  She lives in a happy and magical bubble floating away in circular waves; spinning and  propelling in whimsical motions sparked by love.  Her world is defined by sweetness and the gifts of those who come into this world finely favored by the heavens.  She arrived like a moonbeam delivered from the cool and warm rays of  life into the bosom of a mother and family who long awaited for her coming with joy and anticipation.  Mia was chosen for a life of serendipitous blossoms and eternally crisp Spring mornings that last like days without end.  You see, this is what happens when moonbeams are nurtured by the invigorating sunbeams of love called family.

Mia was welcomed into this world by exceptional people and into an equally exceptional universe.  By virtue of her name alone, Mia, is defined by a sense of belonging; to each of those who love her.  “Mia”, means “mine.”  With this onomastic she happily belongs to everyone and no one.  Her life will be no exception to the trials that mark each life.  She will learn quickly that, “to much who is given, much is expected.” (Luke)

For five years, Mia has lived in a time of grace unrivalled by the happily ever part of the life of any Disney Princess.  Today, her world is changing, she is marked by loss and she will learn to be brave.  Today, she will not wake up to her usual familial breakfast or plan a play date with the most amazing mother, daughter and friend.  She will learn to live and embrace the perfect memory of a life that filled her being with generosity of heart, love and excitement, Geidy.   Today, Geidy, her mother, has made her final journey home. Today and every day Mia will discover layer by layer, just as you peal the skin of an onion, what this will mean in the days and years to come.  

Having experienced great loss as a child, I have always found great comfort knowing my loved ones have always made a home inside me and they are somehow embracing me from a divine and perfect arena that I will visit one day. It is my greatest desire and hope that Mia will come to know that Mommy will, in fact, see her fantasy world of illustrations filled with color, clouds and characters and that Mommy is watching over her from a celestial place where the sunbeams that glow are actually coming down from a place that is closer to the sun and the heavens.  Geidy was the radiant sunbeam that could light a room as she approached and she could also blind you with her moonbeams in the the night.  She was the North Star to everyone who knew her and she helped so many in need of her comfort and skills.  There are far too many ways to describe beautiful, animated, wonderful Geidy. Truth be told, words will never describe her justly.  I can only submit that once you spent a few minutes in Geidy’s presence you came away feeling good about yourself  and her.  This was her gift.

The day after Christmas 2011 began with a barrage of emails…the e-chains of forwarding and replies were all filled with shock and horror.  After reading and re-reading comment after comment, I was not surprised at the global impact of the news of Geidy’s departure as the entire family is universally loved.  As the day came to an end, I followed the feeds with anticipation of any information regarding a church service and curiously enough I saw her name spelled, at minimum 27 different ways, but it just didn’t matter. I think she might have found that humorous.  She was special right down to the spelling of her name. As a community we were dumbfounded and in disbelief.  

On days such as these, I scramble a bit and I typically reach hard and fast into scripture, literature and meditation. I am not any closer to any great universal understanding regarding life and death. I did, however, come across the following: "the Psalmist addresses the Lord, we take his words as our own to encourage and challenge us: Indeed you love truth in the heart; then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom.”  

In time, we may or may not have a greater understanding of the event surrounding December 27, 2011.   We pray, at best for acceptance and maybe wisdom, but we will rely and navigate this time of separation together on a breeze called  faith and promise.  

Read More